March 5
I walked out of the hospital lab with a brown envelope sealed and marked "Private & Confidential".
March 5, 2012.
As I sat down at one corner in the hospital, I carefully opened the envelope, hands tembling, and pulled out some pieces of A4 papers. Not much text.
It was March 5, 2012.
As I read the papers, my world crashed down on me. I was speechless. I was dumbfounded. I was mindfucked. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.
That day was March 5, 2012.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I read and re-read time and again the copies. Not only were they identical - they only have one word: REACTIVE.
REACTIVE
REACTIVE
REACTIVE
Nothing else. The clock stopped on that day - March 5, 2012.
I spent the next 2 weeks crying in isolation. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what my future holds. Not knowing what has become of me. Not knowing how to continue on living.
I was suicidal. I thought of ending my own life. I even thought about how I was going to do it - to drive off a cliff at high speed. That was how I planned it to be.
For the 2 weeks was one of the worst periods in my life.
All that was because of what happened today three years ago - March 5, 2012.
It was the day all my fears have been confirmed. All results and test methods they have used all confirmed one single and simple thing.
It became pointless.
That day was three years ago.
Today - I looked back, I am truly glad to be given a second chance of life. I am on Efavirenz and Combivir. I watch what I eat. I watch what I do. I watch what I see, hear, think. The suicidal thoughts have left me. I am all thankful to be just alive each morning.
I have been in and out of hospital. I have had my CD4 dropped to critical level in what they called it AIDS. The doctors were desperate. I was given tonnes of drugs via intravenous (IV) injections because I could not take anything orally.
If you have been there, you will know what I was talking about. The suffering is not worth it.
I honestly do not know if there will ever be a cure - but I pray there will be. I do not want to die a slow sad death.
Get tested.
Know your status.
And more importantly, start your medication A.S.A.P. immediately. Do not wait.
Above all, always insist on a condom. Never bareback, no matter how exciting, hot you say.
Do not get what I got.
It's not fun.
I have HIV.
And March 5, 2012 was where it all began.
It could have been you.
xoxo.
March 5, 2012.
As I sat down at one corner in the hospital, I carefully opened the envelope, hands tembling, and pulled out some pieces of A4 papers. Not much text.
It was March 5, 2012.
As I read the papers, my world crashed down on me. I was speechless. I was dumbfounded. I was mindfucked. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.
That day was March 5, 2012.
I couldn't believe my eyes. I read and re-read time and again the copies. Not only were they identical - they only have one word: REACTIVE.
REACTIVE
REACTIVE
REACTIVE
Nothing else. The clock stopped on that day - March 5, 2012.
I spent the next 2 weeks crying in isolation. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what my future holds. Not knowing what has become of me. Not knowing how to continue on living.
I was suicidal. I thought of ending my own life. I even thought about how I was going to do it - to drive off a cliff at high speed. That was how I planned it to be.
For the 2 weeks was one of the worst periods in my life.
All that was because of what happened today three years ago - March 5, 2012.
It was the day all my fears have been confirmed. All results and test methods they have used all confirmed one single and simple thing.
It became pointless.
That day was three years ago.
Today - I looked back, I am truly glad to be given a second chance of life. I am on Efavirenz and Combivir. I watch what I eat. I watch what I do. I watch what I see, hear, think. The suicidal thoughts have left me. I am all thankful to be just alive each morning.
I have been in and out of hospital. I have had my CD4 dropped to critical level in what they called it AIDS. The doctors were desperate. I was given tonnes of drugs via intravenous (IV) injections because I could not take anything orally.
If you have been there, you will know what I was talking about. The suffering is not worth it.
I honestly do not know if there will ever be a cure - but I pray there will be. I do not want to die a slow sad death.
Get tested.
Know your status.
And more importantly, start your medication A.S.A.P. immediately. Do not wait.
Above all, always insist on a condom. Never bareback, no matter how exciting, hot you say.
Do not get what I got.
It's not fun.
I have HIV.
And March 5, 2012 was where it all began.
It could have been you.
xoxo.
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