Living The Pozitive LIfe

A new year, a new you. Hopefully we all will remain healthy and up and kicking around. Cheers, party if you must but don't forget meds ok? Cheers!

In my fourth year observing and following closely on World AIDS Day (funny how when you used not to give a fuck about AIDS and HIV and then the next moment, you are part of the statistic that your entire view changed?), I only wished for a functional cure in HIV. This year theme is " Getting to zero; End AIDS by 2030 ". Small words, but huge impact. In the last 4 years (diagnosed in 2012), I have seen drastic changes in my life, made to my life, made for my life. From lifestyle changes to risk behaviors. I remembered a time when I was lying in the hospital with a CD4 count of only 99. I was so weak. It was really scary. You can read about my days in the ward by looking back some of my posts, where I have told my story. My last CD4 readings showed some decline, which caused some alarm and raised some bells. I really do not want to go back there again. If you are already reading my blog, chances are you are looking for information or are as worried as I was and as ...

I just had my quarterly consultation with my doctor and I asked about the "new" Tenofovir that recently made some news about being better and less toxic. Sure, advancement in medicine has made the "new" Tenofovir less toxic compared to Combivir, however, it is not without consequences, cost being one of it. In Malaysia, newly on ARV are now given Tenofovir + a NNRTI. Both are once a day pill (anyone on Tenofovir care to share more? I know some people who previously dropped me emails have begun on Tenofovir, any thing you noticed?) So I asked my doctor, what if I switched? The answer is this: Yes there is a possibility of switching to Tenofovir, however, the government will not be paying as this will be considered a second-line as opposed to first-line med currently being fully paid for by the government. The cost of Tenofovir is roughly MYR200+ a month. Those who are newly on ARV on Tenofovir can switch to Combivir if it is found to be not suitable. However, ...

Many of us still read blogs despite the advancement in technologies that made blogs irrelevant but because I know that many of us still read yet not many are writing anymore gives me some pinch of motivation to be the one writing.  Many of you have written to me personally with your stories, troubles, thoughts, questions etc - I really appreciate that a lot that you guys see me as someone whom you can open up to, without ever knowing me. I only know so much from my own experiences but really, my experiences were worth sharing because we are all in this mess. And even more so every other thing you read elsewhere didn't  really click much since in Malaysia, there isn't much you can refer to. I know because I have done my searches before.  When I first started writing this blog, it was to pen down somewhere my journey and experiences of being a pozzie. In the beginning, like all of us, it was hard to accept but over time, I stopped wondering about the what-ifs and thi...

There are plenty of good reasons to utter the words “lets just be friends” after a first date. Perhaps there was no chemistry or a lack of shared interests, or maybe he was just a little bit of a dick. Regardless of what your reasoning to either call or not call him again, his HIV status shouldn't be a factor. HIV isn't one of the variables that determine whether you and your partner are an emotional and physical match. It is merely a measure of logistics and science. If all of the other elements of a relationship seem to be clicking – sexual attraction, similar tastes, and a mutual like for each other’s weirdness – both of you would be a fool to let mismatched statuses get in the way. However, there are a few things you should be know when starting a relationship with an HIV-positive guy.  Pay attention, and you two may live happily ever after – or at least not break up over HIV. 1. If you have a question, don’t be afraid to ask. You may be worried that a questi...

When I was first knew I had HIV, I have no idea what to do. I had no one to turn to. I did not know anyone else. I went on Twitter. I made some friends and gotten some kind of support system I was looking for, but it wasn't quite adequate. Twitter pozzies are all over the world. I needed people in case anything happened, which looking back, there were times I needed help urgently like going to the hospital to getting emergency pills from friends. Soon, it will come to three years. I've built up a network of people whom I can rely on in case I needed help, from physicians and pharmacists, friends and pozzies. They are like a gem. So, to new pozzies and newly diagnosed, if you do not know where to turn or needed someone to talk to, I am all ears. You can email or tweet me. If you are looking for something to say to someone who has HIV, my advice is, don't say anything. Saying the wrong things just make things worse than it already is, unless you are a doctor speci...

Kudos and thank you, Singapore! Since 1 April 2015, Singapore has quietly lifted its travel ban on HIV+ people, no announcement were made then. The travel ban has been in place since the 1980s back at a time when HIV was not understood. Techonology in medication has improved vastly and HIV+ people on medication posses little or significantly reduced risk to others. Only last week, the media has reported that the Government of Singapore has lifted the ban. So now, foreigners visiting Singapore need not worry of being deported or denied entry. Ref: http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/entry-ban-eased-for-foreigners-with-hiv

Do you know much how stress and agony the hospital put me through for the last one year? I did write about my test being rejected in November because it was within the 6 months timeframe of an earlier test. In July 2014, my viral load was 38.. I assume sometime after that, it would have already reached undetectable levels but I couldn't confirm it in November. When the viral load test was repeated last month - July 2015, it came back reading NOT DETECTABLE!! >> ok I know I am over the moon now. I mean, it's like, finally! It took me a little longer to get to undetectable level because when I started my medication, my CD4 was double digit only and I was admitted to hospital, with a viral load to begin with of over 244,000 copies. Thankfully it's well suppressed now, but my latest CD4 results were a little affected as well. I am not sure what caused it, don't remember being unwell during the blood test, but regardless, the more accurate reading of U...

My latest blood count: CD4: 464 taken 24 March (up from 303 taken on 20 Nov) CD4%: 16.4% up from 16% However, the VL reading taken on 20 Nov is not ready yet, hence it's still at 38 at the last test in July 2014. I also overloaded on my HDL cholesterol and my weigh has been steadily increasing, both of which are a result of better appetite as my CD4 picks up. I hope to receive the latest VL when I go collect my medication next month. It should be out. Took too long.

I walked out of the hospital lab with a brown envelope sealed and marked "Private & Confidential". March 5, 2012. As I sat down at one corner in the hospital, I carefully opened the envelope, hands tembling, and pulled out some pieces of A4 papers. Not much text. It was March 5, 2012. As I read the papers, my world crashed down on me. I was speechless. I was dumbfounded. I was mindfucked. I couldn't talk. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. That day was March 5, 2012. I couldn't believe my eyes. I read and re-read time and again the copies. Not only were they identical - they only have one word: REACTIVE. REACTIVE REACTIVE REACTIVE Nothing else. The clock stopped on that day - March 5, 2012. I spent the next 2 weeks crying in isolation. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what my future holds. Not knowing what has become of me. Not knowing how to continue on living. I was suicidal. I thought of ending my own life. I even thought abo...