Living The Pozitive LIfe

So it's not trichonomas.. It's just plain ol' chlamydia.. The lab report came back positive for chlamydia. In fact I was already on treatment for that since 2 weeks ago.. and just now's visit to The Safe Clinic, the doctor gave me another 2 weeks supply of Aldara.. It's very, very costly.. I now owe the clinic RM400 as I only had RM100 with me to pay them.. I need my last RM100 to survive through till pay day next week.. Ok so I gotten my CD4 count the other day, and my VL report is back.. it's 1million copies.. But the doctor said to wait for the next round of tests due in June to make further decision as he said the high VL is due to the infection just starting, which supports the fact that I was indeed infected in the sauna in a foreign country.. There could not be anyone else that even come close to that.. He also said something that reassures me that I can expect to be start med in 1-2 years .. I don't know if it 's a good thing or a bad thi...

This month I did not budget nor expect medical expenditure to hit sky high. Putting aside an unrelated surgery costs (which I have to fork out some RM300 myself being admin costs as surgery was paid for by insurance), I have spent RM800 earlier this month for CD4, VL and also Aldara for suspected warts and also lab tests costs. The results of the STI came back today, I think I heard it was trichonomas . I googled it up and read sites upon sites for more info, and I can safely say, apart from some lesions, I don't have other symptons as described. Well, I am summoned to The Safe Clinic immediately to get it treated.. More money to be spent, I don't know how much the medications is going to cost but I am having the last RM200 to survive till pay day. I can only pay RM100 and put the rest on the credit account and increased the amount I still owes the clinic (I still owe them RM317 from the previous visit). I don't have a well paying job, and my monthly commitments are h...

Reading Pos4Life blogpost  about his first readings makes me wonder if my first CD4 level at 471 is something to worry about? He started from 615 (and he calls it horrible) and then 495, both of which are at levels higher than mine.. Ok I dont feel good now.

Maybe I don't have much to say at the moment but that didn't stop me from writing.. I took inspirations from Josh to write this.. I have always been an advocate and a pusher, if you may, for safe sex with  condom, so much so that I always have at least one pack with me everywhere I went, in my bag, in my pocket, in my jacket, in the car etc. Always. And when I have used one, I'd remember to replenish. Here's what I did not know. Who. When. How. Let's start from the very beginning of life.. Okay maybe not that very beginning but more or less of how and what brought me to today. 1998 - A rocky year for me as I struggled to come to accept my sexuality. I was only 15 but I knew boobs and pussies disgust me so much I actually felt nauseous and vomited at the very sight. Yes, I have an appetite for men but my first encounters did not happen until 2 years later. I was actually suicidal at this point - with a wrist scar to remember by. 2000 - in Malaysia, thi...

Do you know Singapore deports and expels (permanent ban) foreigners if found to be Poz or carrying ARVs in large quantities? Persons can be Poz and yet appear healthy shouldn't face any problem.. Yes. Singapore is one of the few countries left that practices this, this includes Malaysia and Taiwan. The consolation is, as a tourist who just want to pop over for a few days, it is not required (NOT ADVISABLE) to declare, with just enough ARV to get by. http://www.hivrestrictions.org/ Which I think I will know what to do. Hahaha.

It has been 2 weeks already since that faithful day of hugging those few pages of clinical reports.. It's a bunch of papers but one word is enough to screw my life. REACTIVE It's not a big word.. It's not even a medical term.. It's just a plain normal English word and it's the law that says that when there's an action, there's always a reaction.. I still cannot believe that I have now become a statistic..  The mistake of just one in the heat of sex caused a lifetime affliction.. I have always again and again reminded myself that save sex is the only way to go.. But I did not know how careless one can be.. Till today, I did not know if this particular guy I suspect infected me, ever wore a condom... He could have worn, he could've also took it off half way.. After all, you cannot feel condom inside your asshole.. But it doesn't matter anymore, does it? No amount of blame or regret can change anything..  The best is to pray for a cure and hope a...

I still had not heard anything from my doctor about the referral letter even though it has been 3 days.. Not being able to wait any longer, I went to another doctor who happens to a friend of mine; I went to him straight asking for only the CD4/VL test.. These two costs me RM300 (USD100) without the CD4%, with the %, it would be RM420 (USD140), which has to be done early morning.. So off I went at once.. While there, I also consulted him on something I was suspecting that bothered me.. Got that checked as well.. After an hour, my CD4 count was out, and it will stand as my beginning reading.. I was clocking 471.. but VL will have to wait... I was also tested positive for STI, but to know what STI, I will need to wait for the lab report but the doctor put me on medication for STI, a jab, 4 pills, and 6 packets of cream that costs me over RM480 (USD160).. Tonight's bill came to about RM780 (USD280) for initial testings, STI, and among others.. I was taken aback as I had only...

1. My doctor forgotten (?) to give me a referral letter in order for me to seek another doctor in the government hospital in this specialty. Without that letter, there's nothing much I can do at the moment, but I fear for each day of my life. 2. I got lost inside the Sg Buloh hospital building looking for the specialist clinic, and looking for the exit. I walked through the A&E with doctors and nurses attending to trauma cases. Nobody stopped me or asked me what I am doing there. 3. I am meeting up a friend tonight, a former room-mate back in those days when we were slugging off in Singapore many years ago, who can probably give me leads and point me to somewhere that I can seek attention. He's all I have that's within an arm's reach, who's diagnosed 8 years ago. I knew him before that. I took care of him when he has to be admitted, and subsequently quarantined and some other stories followed. Sigh. The weather in KL today is terrible. Thunderstorms all arou...

I have just gotten a twitter account to go with this blog. Away from my regular life. Perhaps I wanted this blog to document my life from now onwards - sharing and learning being a positive.. From twitter I found so much more resources and similar guys whose postings shed hope and light and helped me a lot to cope.. One step forwards, this is the second week of my new life.. I am scheduled to see my doctor soon to discuss in great length my future from now on.. I also expect for more blood tests, in respect to the two most important things in monitoring - CD4 cells and viral load.. Wish me luck.. Follow @iLoveiLive29

"The day I was diagnosed was the day I became responsible. Responsible for my past, present and future discretions and everything else in between.." Nicely said...

I was very depressed over the last few days. But after some thinking and some talking, I guessed I have a much better mind, although thousand and one question still looms. All the what-ifs and if-nots. I have decided to give up on alcohol and smoking. Not good for health, totally. What else? Sex. Yea.. I'm getting very disinterested in men and sex lately. Turning straight? Haha. My focus is on the high one. He deserved my devotion.

I have always thought it can only happened to other people. Little did I know that it hit me as well. I did not know exactly how I got it, but I have a few suspects in mind. I am very careful when it comes to sex, safe for the few times, which one of that few times I wasn't so lucky. I kind of expected it already when the hospital requested more blood samples from me. I mean, what are the chances of a lab making mistakes or screwing things up right? I have been regularly testing here so I knew that the margin of error is so slim. I did not know what to do now. I thought of writing a will to protect the interests of surviving family members in case God decided I should go Home. A lot of things going through my mind now. I don't even know where to start. First thing first, I did not tell anyone except a couple of close friends whom I can trust. The world cannot know.  This is a cruel world. I damn need all the emotional and moral support I can get. I seriously never tho...