Coming to terms

It has been 2 weeks already since that faithful day of hugging those few pages of clinical reports.. It's a bunch of papers but one word is enough to screw my life.

REACTIVE

It's not a big word.. It's not even a medical term.. It's just a plain normal English word and it's the law that says that when there's an action, there's always a reaction..

I still cannot believe that I have now become a statistic.. 

The mistake of just one in the heat of sex caused a lifetime affliction.. I have always again and again reminded myself that save sex is the only way to go.. But I did not know how careless one can be.. Till today, I did not know if this particular guy I suspect infected me, ever wore a condom... He could have worn, he could've also took it off half way.. After all, you cannot feel condom inside your asshole..

But it doesn't matter anymore, does it?

No amount of blame or regret can change anything.. 

The best is to pray for a cure and hope a cure will be available to us.. I've been reading medical journals and that the people have been making progressive and fruitful researches.. blood can be "washed" and "filtered" outside the body, cells can be genetically modified.. all these gives hope.. a slight and slimmest chance is still a hope.. 

So far, only my doctors, a couple of close friends, the priest and fellow Twitter guys knew.. I have to keep this separate from my daily life.. One day it will matter.. 

As I seek peace and solace in God's house, I only pray for the best.. Hoping is not enough, I felt.. There's must be something I can do to give back to the Lord.. And I pray one day, we will have a cure..

Stay strong and happy... to each and everyone.. and myself..


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